How to make one’s network more personal and less virtual and why should we do it?
What is actually the difference between virtual and personal? As I have eyes, ears, mouth, brain and heart, I want naturally to use all this, also in the communication with other people. In this way, the communication is becoming more personal. And if I also use the sense of touch, it becomes intimate. But if I only exchange words in a written form, can this human connection still be personal ? Indeed, I can express my feelings only in words, as people were doing in poems, or when sending letters to each other without meeting in person (example of pen-pals). The other side will receive my words, based on which she will reconstruct my feelings and ideas in her mind, by empathizing or using logical instruments. But who am I for that person, if she has not seen me and not heard me? If she doesn’t use her eyes and ears to see and hear me, and cannot connect that sensory experience with the meaning and the feeling of my words in her mind, she will construct the virtual reality, the virtual persona of me.
What will happen if she can only see me, using only visual perception, but not hear my words? This is happening when people only see pictures of people, for example, on dating platforms. She will also create a virtual persona in her mind out of these pictures. And this can be (and often is) very different from reality.
Or what is happening when we see someone and hear their voice, but not get the words from that person? This is the case of famous movie stars or popular singers. The fans construct again a virtual persona and can even fall in love with it, but this is also completely wrong perception of that actor or actress. We construct illusions in our minds. In case of movie stars there is another effect. These movie stars don’t receive direct feedback from their admirers, only a sample of the aggregate reaction through media comments or cheering and applause in the theater halls. Based on this, the image of an individual member of that larger audience will be very much reduced, and the rest will be populated by the actor’s ego. Here we also have the phenomenon of inflated artificial virtuality and reduction of natural personality.
Let’s continue our thought experiment about what difference appears if we can perceive everything else (visual, auditive, tactile) except the words ? This is the effect of being a foreigner in a land where you don’t understand one word of what is written or said (try going to a remote village in China). You will use many clues and non-verbal communication skills, and in the end might even like the experience if the people around you are kind. This shows that we can compensate one ability if we are fully present. Because people who lack one sensorial ability (are blind or deaf) will develop other senses to compensate for it. Those who are blind will often develop their sense of hearing to be able to perceive better the space around them. Those who are deaf will often start reading the lips of other people to receive their words and understand their communication.
But if I have all senses still functional and just consciously or situationally don’t use them, and this becomes my habit, this will necessarily lead to the reduction of personality (as set of qualities that form an individual’s identity) and increase of virtuality, in which I tend to replace what I don’t directly perceive with my own imagination, or with my own ego (like in case of movie stars).
And this increase of virtuality actually leads to alienation. And as more we are “connected” in this virtual world, more it looks like living in a big and crowded city where we can see many people but don’t know anyone. Compounded with actually living in big cities, this alienation becomes double.
Why is this virtualization of human contact, along with alienation, happening ? I think there are two factors:
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- This is a very nice business model. Digital platforms give illusion to the people to be “well connected” by letting them connect virtually to other virtual personas, but with very little personality. And these platforms are leveraging another phenomenon below,
- When we live in a city, we don’t have enough capacity or energy to make personal relationship with all people around us (on the bus, elevator, street, building where we live, etc…).
When we are not able to spend more time besides a fraction of it to the people around us in the physical space, we tend to focus on aspects like physical looks and clothes. This is why fashion is so important. And when we are not able to spend more time, besides a fraction of it, to the people in the digital world, we tend to focus on their titles, pictures and online profiles. We are simultaneously losing abilities to appreciate their character, their complexities, and their emotional experience. And along with this we are losing the sense of togetherness and community. The abilities we gain is to match the colours of our clothes and T-shirts, make a nice selfie, and write an effective profile title using search-engine-optimized key words.
Someone would ask if AI can replace or compensate that? Personally, I think it is a wrong use case for AI, but I imagine many will try it. I’m afraid it will rather be used to make our pictures a bit better or our profiles more effective.
What is the solution for this ? We need to invest time and effort to build our relationships, and reverse this tendency, making our contacts less virtual and more personal. How do I do it ? First, asking myself:
- Did I have direct communication?
- Did I have meaningful conversation?
- Was the conversation helpful to anyone?
- Did it have constructive emotional content?
What do you think about this ?
Sasha Lazarevic
Geneva, November 2024
